Judges Don't Care About My Life

By Cleo Loefman-Zapata, Miami
The Miami Herald
Letters to the Editor
November 9, 2003

I was sitting at a hearing in family court. As usual, attorneys were making their arguments, and I, whose life would be affected, wasn't allowed or asked to speak.

I realized how much had changed in recent years. I used to be nervous before a hearing, sleepless the night before and worried.

Pleasant issues rarely are discussed in family court. Rather, it is ''he said-she said.'' Adults who can't even agree on the laundry try to persuade a judge which parent should take the kids to school, who should pay for what and so on.

I have never met a judge who seemed to care. Rather most seem to think that everybody in front of them is an incapable idiot. You get yelled at, talked down to. Even attorneys get treated like schoolchildren. My attorney was making a very good argument, when the judge barked at him and told him that he had no idea what he was talking about. The attorney apologized. I have had to apologize, too, when a judge has yelled at me while on the witness stand.

Worse, most court orders that we have received have been incomplete, forcing us to go to court again. The order for child-support income deduction from my former husband never seemed to work. Months have gone by and still there is no deduction. I never receive child support on time.

In Miami-Dade County, family law looks out for the interests of all parties. The problem is that each judge interprets the law differently. The attorneys know the judges who will follow the statutes and those who will do whatever they feel like. That should never occur.

I have been told that I cannot travel with my child. But I am the custodial parent. Child-kidnapping laws are to prevent the noncustodial parent from fleeing with a minor, not to keep custodial parents from taking a vacation.

My former husband has sued me three times for custody. Years after our divorce, he is still angry. How many times can you do that before someone says something? If the judges cared about the families and treated everybody with dignity I wouldnt have been sitting in court on a beautiful afternoon listening as my life was decided for me.